Propellorhead Presents:
CONSPIRACY THEORY:
buddy
IS BILL CLINTON'S DOG ACTUALLY LUCIFER?
NAME WAS SOUGHT FOR WHITE HOUSE CHRISTMAS DOG
A DAY ON SUNDAY -
The ABC Network News reported that there was a new addition to the Clinton family, a 3-month old chocolate Labrador, which was adopted on December 9th, 1997 as a gift arranged by presidential friend and Washington lawyer Tony Harrington, and arrived at the White House on a Sunday afternoon, December 14th, 1997. The dog's coat, the shade of the back of a vampire bat's ear, is rarest of the three Labrador colours, with black and yellow the normal colour. The network news report said that the White House was asking for suggestions as to what to name the chocolate brown dog, and the report said one proposed name was already made, "Godiva Clinton", after the famous chocolate. Obviously, the suggested name was the imaginative creation of one of �the ABC News crew members. The most popular names suggested were "Shoes Clinton" (?), and "Hershey Clinton" (as in the chocolate). The White House received hundreds of proposed names, and the White House announced that the actual name was decided upon within days - "BUDDY" . . .
Since Clinton was asking the public for ideas regarding a name for his dog, Who Cut The Cheese?? sent in it's suggestion to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. �It would be much more appropriate than "Godiva Clinton".
December 11th, 1997
To: Bill Clinton
� � 1600 Pennsylvania Ave, N.W.
Dear Mister President,
In regards to your request for suggested names for your dog, may we make a proposal? How about -
IMPOOCH CLINTON
???
Or perhaps, "IMPEACHES", and that way the dog can be called "PEACHES" for short?
Best regards,
Who Cut The Cheese
We never heard back from the President, but, what ever the case, Clinton decided upon the name for his dog, and it wasn't "IMPOOCH". The public now came to know the name of B. J.'s dog as "buddy". �However, it came to the attention of Who Cut The Cheese?? that the hound of darkness ALREADY had a name. Apparently a society of psychic satanic worshipers have setup an alter to the dog, who they are calling "Beezelbub", and who are convinced that the dog is their Lord and Savior of�Hell. In addition, there is a conspiracy theory now spreading like wildfire all over the world wide web that this dog is, in fact, Lucifer. And all over the fruity plains of America, the question is being asked:
Is Bill Clinton's dog actually Lucifer?
Should 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue be renamed to 1600 Transylvania Avenue?
"The dog can speak voices to me" said one of the satanic worshipers after she was arrested in Baltimore for lewd acts in a park. "It says, SIX SIX SIX!"
"It is the hound of shadows, the Lord of Abominations!" said her boyfriend who came to bail her out of jail.
The female cult member was estatic because she claims, with the Hound of Hell in the White House itself, she is sure to continue to receive her S.S.I. check which helps support her boyfriend's crack habit.
"Is the dog a Democrat?" asked the police officer as he let her out on bail.
"Definitely!" she replied.
Meanwhile, members of the Temple of Seth in San Francisco are communicating with the dog via a process they call "channeling for chaos", in which the dog speaks to them while they are under the influence of PCP mixed with crank and peyote. "The dog has revealed to us a message," said one of the cult priests. "And the message is - 'I HAVE ARRIVED. TODAY THE WHITE HOUSE IS NOW THE DARK HOUSE OF THE LORD OF THE FLIES. I HAVE UNLIMITED ACCESS.'"
Not all satanic temples agree, though.
"We also believe the dog is Lucifer the Lord of Darkness, but in the form of the reincarnation of a revengful spirit of Vincent Foster" said the Temple of Isis in Hell head priestess from Los Angeles on an interview over an underground shortwave radio channel in Southern California. "There is a reason that the Lord of Darkness can be morphed into a lower entity of the revengful spirit of Vincent. The Lord of The Underworld known as Lucifer is the Patriarch, the Male. But the true Master of the Shadows is not the Patriarchial Lucifer, but the Goddess of Doom and Matriarch, who is a female. She is the true Lord and Master of Lucifer who controls him with her powers. And, she is a lesbian."
The conspiracy theory itself (PURINAGATE), as propa-Gated by a propellerhead prop-op agent and postal employee, regarding Clinton's dog has some pretty interesting sources, though not so direct as voices spoken to the satanic worshipers :->
"First of all," says the un-named postal employee and part-time expert on conspiracies, "this dog has been around. Nicolae Ceausescu, the Feudal Lord and Communist dictator of Romania for 25 years until he was put to death, also had a chocolate Labrador. It's a fact, look it up on the internet. After he took the dog into the official residence of the Romanian leaders, then things started to happen. The dog got to his head. Ceausescu started to demand to live in splendour that would make the Rockefellers turn green with envy. He started to wear a different $500 suit every day. Now here's the thing, the tip off. In his primary residence, he started to insist that the hound of hell be fed caviar everyday in it's own marble-lined room. This was no ordinary dog. The dog got to him. No question about it. Now check this out. North Korea. The new 'Great Leader' who took over after his pop died. He likes to eat Labradors. In fact, in North Korea, they even raise Labrabors in special farms to be butchered and sold as meat. Then he adopts this chocolate Labrador, and what happens. He goes kooky. Don't believe me? Check it out on the internet. I have other sources, too. Stalin, he had one. Now here's the thing, and dig this. This dog is no ordinary dog. Now B.J.'s got one. And watch it - within 1 month his willie is gonna' wink. Mind control, baby, mind control - the Manchurian candidate will get his directives from ol' buddy, and the evil will descend upon the nation. The first intelligence op was Oswald - that's why they had to pop him, you know, the New World Odor, before he let the world know in the big picture of things. The Fair Play for Cuba Committee - you see, THAT's the thing, the link, - he had the dope, so they popped him after he was breaking from the mind control gig that was the trigger to the trophy. Fidel, he's a puppet, too. The dog, you see. The dog. It can come, again and again. Now it's in the White House itself. LET ME ASK YOU THIS: Conspiracy Theory - IS B. J.'s DOG ACTUALLY LUCIFER????"
BROUGHT TO YOU BY:
Propellorhead - 1998
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